Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
