Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
