people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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