And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
