i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
