The maid of honor just puked.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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