We got so high we made milksteak
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize