Need sex. Gaining weight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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