whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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