pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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