Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
