DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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