This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
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It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
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When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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