I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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