Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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