its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Drunk is a universal language darling
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
