But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
