I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
