happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
