he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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