So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
