i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
