dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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