Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
