I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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