What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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