Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
