i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
