I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
