Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
