Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My vagina is officially offended.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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