so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
