every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
