The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just threw up on my dentist
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
