A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My dick has a subreddit
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
