Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
