I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
