I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
