It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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