Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
