jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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