Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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