Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up

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  (301): i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up http://tfl.nu/1cet
  Replies (29) Good night (3855) Bad night (967)
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  (585): View more from New York

  lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time

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  (585): lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time http://tfl.nu/tppe
  Replies (9) Good night (4740) Bad night (596)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.

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  (201): kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success. http://tfl.nu/o0d4
  Replies (44) Good night (6643) Bad night (1740)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.

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  (407): I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong. http://tfl.nu/42z4
  Replies (7) Good night (1327) Bad night (2701)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.

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  (608): The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well. http://tfl.nu/1rx6
  Replies (8) Good night (5658) Bad night (802)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.

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  (802): she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings. http://tfl.nu/exva
  Replies (14) Good night (3394) Bad night (820)
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  (949): View more from California

  I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...

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  (949): I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me... http://tfl.nu/0dd7
  Replies (2) Good night (1282) Bad night (970)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss

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  (727): Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss http://tfl.nu/ms4i
  Replies (9) Good night (796) Bad night (1209)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.

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  (647): Think I pulled my pelvic muscle. (416): I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle. http://tfl.nu/mzl9
  Replies (6) Good night (1937) Bad night (594)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Did it work?

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.

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  (918): I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over. (336): Did it work? (918): Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door. http://tfl.nu/swzf
  Replies (8) Good night (2954) Bad night (500)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.

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  (970): From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick. http://tfl.nu/h7vg
  Replies (13) Good night (2557) Bad night (552)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"

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  (917): she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall" http://tfl.nu/c8ce
  Replies (2) Good night (1500) Bad night (359)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..

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  (573): Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you.. http://tfl.nu/j404
  Replies (3) Good night (379) Bad night (235)
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  (716): View more from New York

  BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.

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  (716): BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet. http://tfl.nu/90zb
  Replies (0) Good night (398) Bad night (185)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!

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  (432): They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED! http://tfl.nu/73e9
  Replies (2) Good night (441) Bad night (235)

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