forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
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Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.