ADVERTISEMENT

• (917): View more from New York City

  I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  this is mike. we're done.

  Fav 21 1132 3272

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high

  Fav 9 2678 1172

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (863): View more from Florida

  I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.

  Fav 27 2317 845

  share tweet
  

• (760): View more from California

  i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped

  Fav 54 3858 1297

  share tweet
  
• 

  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (760): View more from California

  i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous

  Fav 25 913 5475

  share tweet
  

• (631): View more from New York

  if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you

  Fav 27 3684 4440

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."

  Fav 29 1390 4723

  share tweet
  

• (937): View more from Ohio

  You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.

  Fav 9 2719 1109

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.

  Fav 5 1893 835

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!

  Fav 4 2380 720

  share tweet
  

• (417): View more from Missouri

  "Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"

  Fav 8 2048 763

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (513): View more from Ohio

  Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room

  Fav 4 1401 695

  share tweet
  

• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!

  Fav 1 985 644

  share tweet
  

• (650): View more from California

  He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!

  Fav 1 231 62

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (410): View more from Maryland

  I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home

  Fav 0 27 18

  share tweet
  

Randomize