Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.