Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize