i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..