Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
