quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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