dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
your room smells of hookers.
And success
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
