She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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