I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
