Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
