she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
