I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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