I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
