Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Your cock deserves a montage
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
