So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
