my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
