the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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