im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
