ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
