Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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