Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
