im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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