I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
