my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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