This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
please come you make the beer taste better
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize