My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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