I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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