Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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