it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
