They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
